The KaibaCorp Survival Guide
by Lenneko-chan
Summary: Oneshot, part of my story StarCrossed. Kisara has been given the one and only KC Survival Guide, with the advice to memorize it over the weekend. What kind of crazy rules and tips will she come across? Read and learn! You just might need it some day...


**As promised, although a bit late, the first oneshot for my story StarCrossed. This happens between chapter 5 and 6, which I've called chapter 4 and 5 respectively. It might be a good idea to read the first few chapters of StarCrossed first, but feel free to do as you please with this one.**

**This oneshot focuses on the Kaiba Corporation Survival Guide that Mika gave to Kisara to memorize. I tried to make it entertaining, and I really hope I've succeeded. Tell me what you think of this, please :)**

**I apologize for any errors in advance.**

**Disclaimer: ****I own the plot and the OC's, but nothing more.**

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Saturday, May 7, very early in the morning_

I hadn't been able to sleep for most of the night, hence why I was sitting on my couch in the living room at 6.13 AM, a cup of steaming hot coffee all but forgotten in my hands and an exhausted look in my eyes. In front of me, on the coffee table, lay the little Guide of Doom, or at least that's what I called it. Its real name was "Kaiba Corporation Survival Guide". Mika Koriachi, Kaiba's secretary and best friend, had written it herself during the years she'd been working at KaibaCorp now, and she'd insisted I'd study it carefully and memorize it. The guide counted about 50 pages full of rules, do's, and a lot of don'ts. Joy.

Finally taking a huge sip of my already lukewarm coffee, I picked up the small book and opened it. Let's see, chapter one, _The Basics_. _Rule #1. Show as little emotion as possible._ Excuse me? I read it again. And again. What in the world _was_ this? Still not believing my eyes, I read on. _Rule #1.2. In case one _does_ show emotion, make sure to keep tears at bay._ Okay, that actually made sense to me. Mika had made it clear to me yesterday that Kaiba knew next to no mercy and that he meant Business with a capital B. The man preferred the mind over the heart and was sure not to make a secret of it. Okay, so then I guessed the first rule wasn't that ridiculous after all. Good, what's next?

_Rule #2. Duel Monsters is not to be insulted in the presence of Seto Kaiba.  
Rule #2.2. Nor is KaibaCorp.  
Rule #2.3. Nor is Mokuba Kaiba._

Well, that one's easy enough, quite obvious even. Although, since these rules were in the book, I couldn't help but think someone must've disregarded these rules. For a moment, I imagined a man in a cheap business suit, standing on the very edge of the KaibaCorp building with Kaiba behind him, about to push the guy off the building, the man in question begging for mercy. I shuddered at the thought and read on.

_Rule #3. Do not, no matter what, hurt Seto Kaiba's pride._

With a slight frown, I raised my hand and started to count on my fingers: no emotions, no insults, no belittling the boss. Hey, I got this! Okay, so maybe this wouldn't be so hard after all.

_Rule #4. If employees dishonor themselves, they automatically dishonor KaibaCorp and they will be fired immediately. There are no exceptions to this rule._

I'll admit that I _did_, in fact, gulp when I read that. My friends and family could all testify that while I was smart, I was also a bit of a klutz. At the school Christmas prom in tenth grade, I'd somehow ended up in front of a huge fan, making my dress fly up, showing my underwear. That in itself had been embarrassing enough, but then I'd somehow gotten my hands on a bottle of wine and I can't remember what happened after that, but when I woke up in my own bed the following morning, I couldn't find the bra I'd been wearing and guys had been giving me suggestive looks for _weeks_. Shaking my head to clear it of unwanted memories, I continued to rule number five.

_Rule #5. When asked (read: ordered) to work overtime, do so.  
Rule #5.2. In case rule #5 is disregarded, consider yourself fired._

_Rule #6. If you see Seto Kaiba before 8 AM, offer him a cup of coffee.  
Rule #6.2. If your offer is rejected, don't take it personal. Just smile and leave as soon as possible._

_Rule #7. You may ask anyone personal questions, but NOT Seto Kaiba!_

_Rule #8. The word 'love' is nonexistent in the Kaiba Dictionary. Therefore, conversations about this topic or anything related to it are taboo._

_Rule #9. __When at KaibaCorp, always make sure to look presentable._

_Rule #10. You are never late for work. You just aren't.  
Rule #10.2. In case you, for whatever reason, _do_ arrive at work too late, consider yourself fired._

_Rule #11. Failure is not an option._

_Rule #12. … etc._

}:{

By dinner time, I'd figured that I only needed to know seven very simple rules. One: don't speak, unless being spoken to by a superior. Two: make sure you say whatever you have to say in as few words as possible. Three: Seto Kaiba is a god and should be treated as such. Four: make sure to be as discreet and unnoticed as possible. Five: do your job perfectly. Anything less than perfect is simply not good enough. Six: you are not a part of KaibaCorp. KaibaCorp is a part of you. Anything that happens to you, happens to the company as well. And seven: obey.

When I really thought about it, I had to conclude that there were actually only machines working at KaibaCorp. Robots. And I was about to become one as well. Joy.

Now that I had read all of the rules (there were no less than 468 of them!), there was also a chapter that dealt with different situation that an employee could be in at KaibaCorp and how to act in those situations. I closed the book, and decided to focus on that chapter tomorrow.

}:{

_Sunday, May 8_

_Situation #1. You accidentally overslept, but after a lot of rushing you manage to get to work in time. But by the time you arrive at your desk, you notice you put on yesterday's wrinkled shirt. Hurry can do that, after all. But this is bad. If any of your superiors notices this, you might lose your job! How are you going to solve this?_

_Answer: better safe than sorry. Always make sure to have an extra set of clothes at work. This comes in handy in aforementioned situation, or if you have to work overtime and decide to spend the night at the company._

And thus started the chapter that focused on difficult situations and how to deal with them. I had to admit that this would come in quite handy. I got up from the couch and grabbed a pen and a notebook and wrote down _'Keep an extra set of clothes at work'_. With that done, I moved on to the next situation.

_Situation #2. You wake up one morning and notice you have a high fever. What do you do?_

_Answer: contact one of superiors and tell them you're sick at home. Once you are healthy enough to go back to work, work overtime to make up for the time you spent sick at home. Working on Saturdays does not count as overtime. _

Oh, yeah, what rule was that again? I flipped through the book until I found it.

_Rule #53. Saturday counts as a weekday at KaibaCorp, not as part of the weekend._

Great, I'd have to work the Saturdays as well. Where did I leave my notebook? Alright, moving on!

_Situation #3. While walking down the hallway, you see a young man with long black hair, blue eyes and a confident look. As I'm sure you're well aware, KaibaCorp isn't exactly a amusement park, so this guy shouldn't be here, right? What do you do?_

_Answer: now pay attention! There's only one person who fits this description _and_ can get past security, and his name is Mokuba Kaiba. He's Seto Kaiba's younger brother and can walk in and out of KaibaCorp as he pleases. If you encounter him, make sure to bow low and wish him a good morning/afternoon/evening/night. Make sure to call him 'young Mr. Kaiba'. The only person in the entire company with a higher status than Mokuba Kaiba is Seto Kaiba himself. Make sure to treat him as such!_

Notebook: _'Seto Kaiba is a god. Mokuba Kaiba is a demigod'_.

_Situation #4. One of the other employees has caught your eye. You'd really like to ask him/her on a date. Now, of course you can't ask that while working, but during lunch should be fine. Right?_

_Answer: no! Things like relationships are of very low, if any, priority at KaibaCorp. If you want to ask someone out on a date, do so in your private time. On Sunday or something._

Notebook: _'Falling for another KaibaCorp employee is a no-no'_.

_Situation #5. …_

}:{

Halfway through the afternoon, I'd finished all of the different situations the guide described, and I'd made a lot of notes. Although it would be just like me to just forget about them, I planned to take them with me to work every day. Just in case.

Now, the only section of the book I hadn't read yet was sort of a quiz. There was a question with a few given answers and one of them was the right one. A perfect score would mean I was ready for KaibaCorp.

_Question #1. You're out of coffee, out of energy, your superior is waiting impatiently for the report you're working on and that you should've finished half an hour ago and you have yet to write another two. It's ten in the evening, on a Saturday, and you haven't eaten anything since 3 PM._ _Now what?_

_A. Finish the report you're working on, hand it in to your superior and take the other two home to work on them on Sunday, then hand them in on Monday morning.  
B. Finish all three reports before going home.  
C. This situation isn't possible at KaibaCorp._

I thought about it. After reading all those rules, I was convinced that taking the reports home to finish them later was not an option if the reports were supposed to be finished that evening. So that would rule out option A. I thought about option C. I thought this might be the right one, but I couldn't quite say why. I flipped through the book until I reached the answers section.

_Answer to question #1. C. At KaibaCorp, we only want the best results from the best people. If you can't get done the job you were assigned to do, you have no place at KaibaCorp. If you can't finish your work before the deadline, you're fired. Therefore, the described situation is impossible to occur at KaibaCorp._

I could only think of how very, _very_ strict these KaibaCorp guys were. How could anyone work in such an atmosphere? Then again, there weren't a lot of companies that were more successful than KaibaCorp, so they had to be doing something right. Right? Okay, on to the second question.

_Question #2. You're about to leave the house and go to work, but then you notice it's raining cats and dogs outside! A little bit of rain has never hurt you! Do you walk out just like that?_

_A. No, you go back inside to find your umbrella and make sure to keep at least your hair dry. You're a smart person, so you followed this guide's advice and have a dry set of clothes at work, so if those get a little work it won't be a big deal.  
B. Yes, of course! It's early, a bit of rain will help you wake up.  
C. Yes, but before you do so, you make sure to pull up the hood of your coat so that your hair won't get wet._

This was a tricky one. It couldn't be option B, getting to work with my hair all wet wouldn't do me any good, but going back inside the house to find my umbrella seemed like too much trouble. So I picked the final option once again and looked at the answers section.

_Answer to question #2. A. arriving at KaibaCorp with dripping wet hair will be frowned upon, while your hair will get messed up under the hood. So always make sure to take your umbrella with you. That way, you'll be just fine._

Oops! Okay, so I got that one wrong, which brings my total score so far on 1 out of 2.

_Question #3. One of your colleagues is suddenly standing at your desk and asks you if you'd like to go on a date with them. You'd love to, but how do you react?_

_A. You immediately say yes and together you decide on a day, time and place.  
B. You explain that you're busy at the moment, but that you'd love to go on a date with them. You ask if you could discuss any details during lunch and continue working.  
C. You say yes and give them your phone number. Then you ask them to call you after work so that you can discuss further details._

My first reaction was thinking that the mentioned colleague had never read the guide, 'cause I could've sworn I'd read somewhere that you weren't supposed to ask each other out while at work. But if it _did_ happen, I guessed The correct answer was C. and I was more than happy to see I was right!

_Answer to question #3. C. It's downright rude to just ignore them, and stupid to say no while you want to say yes. But work is work, and work is top priority, so discuss the details of your date when you're both done and ready to go home. _

By the time I was done with the quiz, I'd scored 39 out of 50 points. Not perfect, but I guessed it would have to do. It was getting late, and tomorrow would be a big day.

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**You know, I can't help but notice how many of the rules Kisara has broken xD And she actually got away with it! Ha, must be because of the spell she put on Seto xD**

**I hope you liked it!**

**Reviews make my day, flames just warm my hands.  
**

**~Anne  
**


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